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Many managers have told me how their negative thoughts create blocks that impede their ability to be productive or think clearly and how the opposite is true when they’re feeling positive. Breaking the cycle of negative thought patterns and manifesting positive thought becomes important in order for managers to bring about progress.
Often, it’s a simple reframe of the current situation that will create a shift in energy from negative to positive and inspire you to take action. Looking at a collaborative effort with another organization is negative if you start by saying, “This is a waste of time that will not yield anything for us.” Even if the collaboration doesn’t work out, is it really a waste of time? Another way to approach the effort is to see the not-so-obvious benefits that are being overlooked. Possibly a collaborator on the other side has a contact at an organization you’ve been trying to do business with; maybe you’re introduced to a more effective business model; maybe your new director of operations is sitting across the table from you; or you simply might learn something new. Thus, every situation can be an opportunity, as long as you choose to see it that way.
2. Set your intentions before each meeting.
Sometimes it’s not enough to go into a meeting with the right numbers and information. It can be very helpful if you take a few moments before the meeting to tell yourself exactly what you want to happen, how you want the meeting to go and what you expect to achieve. It’s a way of programming your mind to act in accordance with your desires.
It’s similar to envisioning your role in the meeting, but more powerful because you’re declaring what you intend to happen. Start by asking yourself: “What is it that I most want to achieve in this meeting? I want this to be a successful meeting about collaboration. I want this meeting to be without conflict and stress. I want to experience harmony. I want to uplift the other participants and have them stimulated and excited by my words. I want to be precise with my thoughts and communicate clearly so that I am understood by all. I want the other participants to be positively influenced in the direction of my desire.”
It might seem awkward to have a conversation with yourself about setting your intentions, but chances are you’ve done it before when you told yourself that you know exactly what’s going to happen at a meeting: “This person will be difficult, that person is going to disagree with everything I say and that person will ask a hundred questions” and so on and so on.
Approaching a meeting with intentions that certain good things will happen allows you to focus your thinking in a positive way and helps pave a conscious and subconscious path for you to walk.
3. Allow others to have their points of view.
Most people have a sense of competition. This competitiveness is triggered very naturally since it has been instilled in us as part of our socialization. From a young age we are taught to win, and that lesson often reverberates throughout life — even during a meeting, when we come across someone who doesn’t see things our way. It’s almost instinctual to want to win the “argument” by convincing our adversaries to accept our point of view. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to win, but that spirit doesn’t always have a place when trying to establish a collaborative relationship.
Sometimes it’s necessary to hold your position and not give in, but the trick is to know when. Is it the right time during a cross-departmental team meeting tasked with implementing a program for the executive director? How about during a meeting between two fundraising teams from different cancer organizations that are expected to put together a co-branded event for Cancer Awareness Month?
It’s helpful to understand that everyone involved in a collaborative effort brings to the table his or her own experiences and desires that have crafted who they are as a person. That often means each person will see different ways to accomplish the tasks at hand.
If you’re doing your part in the collaborative process, you recognize that there can easily be more than one way to get the job done and that your approach is just one of those ways. What happens in many collaborative efforts is someone tries to force others to see or do what he wants. You cannot force anyone to do anything. In other words, the desire for change must be there before change can happen. If the desire is not present, change will not take place.
Maintaining an open mind is very important. Openness can lead to new and fresh insights and discoveries. If we combine that openness with understanding, it can enhance our own learning process and expand our horizons.
4. Prioritize your intentions.
Earlier when I talked about setting your intentions, I demonstrated that it’s typical to have more than one intention for a meeting. It’s also natural to want to focus on all of the intentions at once, but it can be difficult to give the requisite attention to each one equally — especially if you’re implementing this process for the first time. That’s why it’s important to identify which intentions you want most to fulfill and prioritize them in your mind. That way, you can focus your attention on what is most important to you.
Beginning with too many intentions is similar to trying to learn how to juggle for the first time but starting out with five balls. You soon learn that it’s easier to master juggling two balls and then begin to introduce additional balls as you become more comfortable with the process.
5. Catch yourself feeling negative emotions.
Hold yourself accountable to noticing when negative emotions begin to surface. When you catch yourself feeling a negative emotion, take steps that bring you back to a positive place where clarity and progress prevail. Start with a question to yourself: “What do I most want now in this situation?” Because you’ve recognized that collaboration is your desired intent, it might be helpful to reiterate that getting along with your colleague(s) and having a harmonious relationship is far more important than the issue that’s creating the negative feeling.
Many times, negative emotion is created by a person who is pushing your buttons. That can be an extremely tough challenge, especially to control that natural instinct to protect yourself. But again, remembering what is most important to you will help, and you can honor your intention by disarming the other person with a statement such as: “Wait, let’s talk about this. I don’t want to argue. I want us to work together to get the job done.”
6. Believe you can achieve it.
No matter what action you take, good things cannot happen unless you believe your actions will produce good results. In other words, you must fully believe in what you’re doing if you want to realize your desires. If you allow doubt to enter into your thoughts, the groundwork is being laid for disappointment simply because you’re giving doubt room to expand by giving it attention. Usually doubt begins to manifest itself and take over once the word “but” is spoken: “I want this to be a successful meeting about collaboration, but everyone involved is always so negative.” It is at that precise moment where the seeds of doubt are planted.
Collaborating with others is difficult for many reasons, but you have an opportunity to make a real difference in the process if you choose to learn how. Learning to do your part in a collaborative effort is a skill like any other such as juggling, playing the harp or improving your golf game. It takes practice and a commitment to mastering techniques and maintaining mental focus. Participating meaningfully in the collaborative process is a win for your organization and you when you recognize that you have contributed in a way that is productive and positive; your own degree of satisfaction increases as well as your sense of being in control of how you feel.
James Boyle is founder and leadership coach at Higher Potentials. He can be reached at jamesboyle@higherpotentials.com or through www.higherpotentials.com
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